In the program I'm working for my food addiction, coffee is "free" as long as it doesn't have creamer or real sugar in it. However, I wanted to give up more addictive substances than just food so for a year and a half I had been completely caffeine free. Like, 100%. Well, when I decided that I was ready to start drinking beverages with caffeine again I had a quandary on my hands. How much was ok for me to have? What was "too much"? 1 cup a day? Week? Only on weekdays? Only if I'm really tired? How tired is too tired?
The addict brain in me has no concept of how to moderate things. I know for a fact that if I were to stop following the strict guidelines of my food program (weigh each meal on a scale and let the scale and my sponsor tell me how much is enough) I would be so lost. How much is a normal amount of pizza? What about fries? Soda? Where does it end? I can tell you where it ends. It ends with me gaining back the 90 pounds I shed over 5 years ago and haven't had to put back on again, one day at a time.
I'm so glad that I do have a program and a sponsor to rely on and to suggest to me what I should do. When the decision is taken out of my hands I can just put the food on the scale and let G-d handle the rest.
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